Children! Be quiet until the chickens pee.
– Basque Proverb
Original: Umeak! Isilik oiloak pixa egin arte.
I had to post this proverb because it’s kind of hilarious. I’m a city girl to the core, so I’m assuming “until the chickens pee” is the same as until they wake up? Like, the kids are supposed to be quiet until morning? Right?
I think all Basque parents should say this to their children on a regular basis. Let’s make “Be quiet until the chickens pee” a thing, Amerikanuak.
The pain caused by the tongue is the hardest one to cure.
– Basque Proverb
Original: Mihiaz egiten den mina, da azken sendatzen dena.
I’m not so sure if pain caused by words is the hardest to cure, but I definitely think it can take the longest to cure. How many times in our lives do we obsess over the negative things people say to or about us? Those words can stick with us for a long time.
I’ve definitely wasted a lot of time holding on too tightly to the insults people have thrown at me, forgetting all of the times I was complimented or recognized for my strengths.
I actually didn’t talk to someone I now consider to be my one of my closest friends (“home base” from Gardnerville) for years because of something he said to me once. And what was the point of all that hurt? Holding that grudge just cut me off from an amazing potential friendship and kept me stuck in a place of feeling like a victim in my life.
So I encourage you all today to think of a time when you felt victimized or belittled by something that was said to you. Remind yourself that your value is not determined by other people’s opinions. Breathe and be grateful for your present life.
And think of the person who threw those strong words at you with love and compassion. They might just be your best friend one day.
One who is everybody’s friend is nobody’s friend.
– Basque Proverb
Original: Guztien adiskide dena, ez da inorena.
Some people seem to have a million friends. You know the ones: the party people, the social butterflies, the Facebook friend collectors, the social media addicts.
Sometimes all of that friending can lead to exhaustion, feeling drained, as if you’ve given all of yourself to others and there’s nothing left for you. If we’re so focused on being there for everyone, often we’re not fully available for our nearest and dearest when they need us most.
In the case of social media, extensive time making connections online can make us feel disconnected to the people right in front of us. I see this every day in people sitting in a group with their faces glued to their phones.
Rather than tell us to stop making friends, I think this proverb teaches us to focus our attention on quality over quantity. It’s great to have lots of friends, but make sure a handful of these friends are people who will have your back. By extension, be a good friend to those closest to you. Always know who matters most in life.
Instead of picking a Basque proverb this Wednesday, I want to share with you my favorite quotes from the Elgarrekin theater troupe’s performance on Sunday. They presented the play, Domingo Ibarburu, written by Pantxo Hirigaray.
One of the funniest characters spouted off advice quotes from his amatxi and aitatxi. These sayings started profound and got more ridiculous as the play went on. And they’re hella Basque in that they all involve food.
Here are the ones I took down:
“If you give flour to someone who’s not used to eating cake, he’ll make bread.”
“If there’s not a chance of having cake, you don’t care for cake. But if there’s a chance of having cake, you become a cake lover.”
“He who lacks cakes dreams of pies.”
“A bad baker can ruin the flavor of the best cake.”
“The bigger the cake, the more people there are that love the cake.”
“A cake that stays too long in the oven isn’t worth much.”
“If you put three cakes on top of a table, it’s difficult to decide which one to eat.”
Which line is your favorite?
The words are big but the acorns are small.
– Basque Proverb
Original: Berbak handiak, ezkurrak txikiak.
Anyone close to me knows I absolutely hate big talk, commitments not honored, and broken promises. You know it’s real when I get mad at you for something as simple as making dinner plans you have to later cancel.
I’ve dropped more friends for having big words but small acorns than is probably healthy.
My tendency to overreact when friends bail is a little ridiculous, but I’ve been working on minimizing my reactivity over the years. I should probably explore my intolerance for flaking more deeply in therapy… But that’s not the point.
The point of this proverb is that your word is everything in Basque culture. Some might argue it’s the only true thing you have to offer. So when you go back on your word, what does that say about you and your values?
Let’s do our best to match big words with big acorns, not small ones. And if we don’t have the acorns to back us up, often it’s best to let the words go unsaid.
A dog who barks rarely bites. – Basque Proverb
The people who yell or make lots of threats rarely do anything, spending most of their energy on telling people off.
Photo Credit: Andy Carter
Take my dear aita for example. I love him to death, but boy can he get riled up.
I got my nose pierced a couple of weeks ago. When he finally noticed (it took him an hour), he yelled and yelled. And Aita is not usually one to yell. He told me I was ugly, that I looked like a bull, that I was stupid.
He let off steam by trying to shame me. But I just let him have his moment, because I had a good feeling most of his frustration was rooted in the fact that he could do nothing about it. Maybe he really was that upset over the piece of metal in my face, but I think his overreaction stemmed more from his inability to control me than any deep-seated aversion to face jewelry.
So don’t worry about the people who rage. They just whine, yell, and threaten because they do not have the power or desire to do much else.
The one who loves you will make you cry, the one who hates you will make you laugh. – Basque Proverb
Everyone knows what it’s like to have a loved one hurt them. An old girlfriend stomping all over your heart, a good friend betraying your trust, a relative’s death. Even little kids know this experience whenever mommy or daddy puts them in time out. And parents’ hearts break a little bit inside when their kids yell, “I hate you!” for the first time.
It’s inevitable in life that the people who love us, and those we love deeply, will make us cry. That comes with opening your heart to people. And at some point in our lives, we have to make our loved ones cry. Breaking up with great people, setting limits with friends and family, making changes our loved ones may not approve of.
But these heart aches can be counteracted in some small way by not letting the people who hate us bother us. You know the ones–they criticize, judge, put us down. A lot of the comments on Monday’s post had to do with ignoring the haters, so it seems like a good many of you already know this trick.
Because if we don’t laugh about the people who hate us, then what do we have but added misery to our lives? We all have enough things to stress about in our relationships and jobs to be overly concerned with those who hate. So laugh it off, and maybe over time it will be easier to laugh about how our loved ones make us cry. It’s a natural part of life, so why not find some humor in it?